26 weeks

Getting BIGGER is the name of the game these days.  I've actually outgrown a couple pair of maternity pants!  I am resisting the urge to waddle, although I know it is inevitable at some point in the coming weeks.  It takes effort to do everything now, from bending over to get laundry out of the dryer, rolling over in bed, getting up from the floor etc.  All in all though, this pregnancy has been uneventful (and hopefully will stay that way).  I am measuring the same size as I did with Henry and I have gained exactly the same amount of weight (although I started out a bit lighter this time around).  Staying asleep for more than 5-6 hours is challenging, so I feel pretty tired most of the time.  Coffee helps a bit in this department (yes, I allow myself a bit of caffeine this time), thank goodness.  I am feeling more pulling and stretching as things get rounder in the mid-section, especially when Henry wants me to chase him around the house.  I try my best, but I have to remind him that Mommy can't run fast now that Mommy has a big tummy (not that I ever really was able to run fast).  He doesn't quite understand why I keep getting bigger and slower, although I am pretty sure he understands there is a baby in my belly.  I have begun the task of cleaning out the nursery (my former craft/storage room).  I think I have a few more hours of organizing/purging and it will be ready to paint.  We plan to reuse Henry's nursery furniture and update Henry's "artwork" in his room.  He wants me to find "digger pictures" for his walls.  He has surprisingly not been too possessive about designating things as "baby things" even though he knows they used to be his.  Hopefully telling him that he is a "big boy" is helping with that transition.  We'll see how possessive he is when Russell arrives. 

Nesting on the mind...still

A couple weeks ago, my post was on my internal debate regarding whether to move to the country or not.  My conclusion then, was that it made most sense to stay put.  But over the last two weeks (...if I am really honest, the last three years since we purchased our property), that conclusion just hasn't been sitting well emotionally.  My heart is telling me that I need to move.  Perhaps not right this second, because that would be INSANE.  I am six and half months pregnant for goodness sake!  But, my heart is telling me to move in the next few years.  When the boys are young and could use plenty of space for unabashed running and romping.  Working in the dirt (i.e. gardening) brings me incredible peace (thank you Mama for passing on that gene).  I feel like I could use more space to REALLY garden, not just play around with a couple heads of lettuce and strawberry plants.  Ryan would appreciate having a workshop and being much closer to the river for fishing.  We both crave the simplicity of country living (although I have no illusions that it will not come with an endless list of projects and a lot of hard work to maintain).  All in all, I am pulled emotionally to live in the country. 

That isn't to say that I don't have my doubts and insecurities about the logistics of living farther away from the amenities of the city and suburbia and the fact that the schools are not as exceptional as my current neighborhood schools.  But, my new year's resolution for 2014 was to live more authentically.  Fear seems to be driving me to stay in suburbia.  It is comfortable and familiar.  But, I don't think it is fulfilling what I really want deep down.  Fear is driving me to be unauthentic to who I am.  I want to be brave.  I want to dare to take a risk, a chance on the unknown.  To do something thing that is uncomfortable.  This is completely out of the norm for me.  I historically have made very calculated, safe, responsible decisions in my life.  I DON'T like to take risks.  It has suited me well so far, at least on paper.  But, it hasn't resulted in contentment, or dare I say happiness.  So, my new conclusion, is that we will move to the country.  'Plan A' is back in play!  I am throwing caution to the wind and going to dive feet first into this "new" plan...well, in my typical type-A neurotic planner mode...and get the wheels truly in motion to make the move sometime in the next few years. 

First up on the list is getting the house plans in order.  I have already started working on  the sketches.  Next up on the list is convincing Ryan I am "for real" about this plan to move.  He has endured countless conversations/debates over the past few years where I waffle on this decision (sometimes in the same day!!!), so he rightfully doesn't really want to talk about this issue anymore (because it is ANNOYING...FRUSTRATING...DOWNRIGHT MADDENING to talk to someone who changes her mind a thousand times, literally), let alone believe me when I say I have decided we should move.  There is no reason why he should believe me, given my history on this issue.  What I really appreciate about my husband is that he actually listens to me and the fact that he truly wants me to be happy and is willing to sacrifice his own dreams (including living in the country) for my dreams (what he perceives as me wanting to live in city/suburbia).  The truth is, I really DO want to live in the country.  I am just scared...really scared...about the unknown.  But enough is enough, no more scaredy-cat Crystal.   Time to roll up my sleeves and get to work implementing this plan!

Stay tuned...

Ideopathic Toe Walking

I mentioned a few weeks ago that Henry's pediatrician referred us to a physical therapist for an evaluation.  Henry has a tendency to walk on his toes.  Most kids start off walking on their toes, but outgrow the habit pretty quickly.  Some take a bit longer, usually outgrowing the habit by two.  At three, Henry still walks on his toes.  For a few kids, this can be a symptom of very serious health issues, such as cerebral palsy or muscular dystrophy.  Thankfully, both his pediatrician and the physical therapist don't see any cause for concern in this regard.   For Henry, his toe walking is what they call ideopathic toe walking.  In other words, unexplained or habitual toe walking.  The treatment focuses on stretching and constant reminders to walk flat footed.  I can't tell you how many times a day I tell Henry "no toes."  Thankfully, he actually complies, for a few seconds at least.  The stretching is an interesting thing though, because three year olds do not follow directions well.  At least not my three year old.  So, we are trying to find games to encourage stretching his calf muscles and achilles tendons, such as walking like a penguin, squatting like a duck, walking up hills, ramps or slides with his heels down.  The physical therapist recommended another 8 sessions over the next six months.  Henry loves this idea because the sessions take place in a big jungle gym, where he can climb on all sorts of things and play with new toys.  The physical therapist indicated that toe walking is the single most common "issue" that she sees kids for (especially toddlers) and that all of her patients, except one, has outgrown the habit.  She was very casual and nonchalant about it, like it was an everyday thing for her (which apparently it is).  It gave me comfort to know that Henry will likely outgrow this "phase" (with a little coaching), just as he outgrew the shrieking phase.  As a treat for being a good listener, Henry got a smoothie at Jamba Juice.  He was one happy camper!

Terrific {Terrifying} Threes

Henry is becoming quite the abstract painter.  Drawing, coloring, and sticker art are also still lots of fun too.

Our family LOVES the beach.  Henry and I experienced a spectacular sunset on our last trip to the coast.  Henry's favorite beach time activity remains digging.  I think digging (sand, dirt, gravel, etc.) may be Henry's favorite all time activity, period.

We got lucky this past week with a few dry sunny days.  Henry INSISTED we get outside to play and ride bikes. 

Henry and Soph make great companions.  Henry recently tried to bury Soph at the beach.  I am so very, very grateful we have such a patient, tolerant, sweet dog.

This is Henry attempting to pay fetch with Soph.  He's getting the hang of throwing a ball, but I'm not sure he's going to enter the Major League anytime soon.

As for other updates, Henry is growing, growing, growing.  And talking, talking, talking! He is also starting to develop problem solving skills, which means he is learning how to manipulate situations (and ME!) to his benefit.  I find three years old to be a really fun age, but also TERRIFYING, because Henry has developed an opinion about EVERYTHING!  He is very vocal about his frustrations and his desires.  Quick to bring on the tears and/or whining if he suspects I am going to push back.  He has little patience and less tolerance for being told "no."  These are all normal characteristics of a three year old, but it is terrifying to watch my sweet, usually compliant baby turn into an independent, opinionated, strong-willed young boy. Used for good, rather than evil, these characteristics will suit him well (all of which are possessed by his Daddy), but at three, it can be a bit challenging to weather.  I try to remind myself to take deep breaths or laugh off most situations that escalate into tantrums.

Henry's favorite toys these days include Legos, Playdoh, puzzles, construction equipment, trains, cars and trucks.  He likes Dr. Seuss books and any book about vehicles (diggers, tractors, fire engines, cars, trucks etc.).  His imagination is blossoming and he likes to play pretend, hide-and-seek, and constantly wants someone to chase or race him (usually me).  All in all, he is stereotypically BOY!

Currently his favorite foods include hummus with rice crackers, pepperoni sandwiches, spaghetti, cucumbers with Korean hot sauce, cold cereal, chips and salsa, beans, apples, strawberries, honey greek yogurt, and english muffins with mayo (not butter).  Chocolate chip cookies and frozen yogurt are his favorite sweets. 

Nesting on the Mind

I've been recently meandering through a season of self reflection and wrestling with the same "issue" that I have been wrestling with from time to time since we purchased our 6 acre (hobby) farm 3 1/2 years ago. And yes, it is technically a farm (hence the name of my blpg). A hay farm, currently. I even have to file a Schedule K on my income tax returns, just like the real farmers do. The "issue" I wrestle with is: to move or not to move; to farm or not to farm (in a hobby context). Ryan and I both say, for the time being, we are not going to move anytime soon, but I believe our hearts still pull us to want to move. To want to pursue a hobby farm. To have more outdoor space for our boys to romp around. So, I wrestle internally with these emotions and thoughts. I am likely focused on this issue because I'm 6 months pregnant now and feeling the urge to nest. I am also one that has a strong need to establish roots. I don't like change. I don't like moving. I don't like feeling unsettled. That is why the farm is an "issue." Some people have said to me, "do whatever you want" or "follow your heart." The trouble is that there are a delicate and complicated set of factors that I must weigh in making the decision, so I don't really know what I really "want" more. For example, here are some of the pros and cons:

Farm Pros:
* Lots of space (6 acres of romping room)
* Endless gardening opportunities
* Possiblity to raise livestock
* Storage galore (ability to build a shop, greenhouse, barn etc.)
* Guest accommodations
* Fulfill Ryan's lifelong dream to live in the country

Farm Cons:
* Schools in the area (65% of elementary students meet state standards)
* Must drive everywhere.
* Must plan play dates. No neighborhood kids.
* Likely increase of 25% in our mortgage and adding an additional 15 years (pay off at 60+ years old)
* Longer commute
* Travel logistics are more complicated (plants and animals need constant care)

City Pros:
* Stellar schools (93+% of elementary students meet state standards)
* Neighborhood full of families. Neighbors on our street that we like and trust.
* Walkable (i.e. sidewalks). The boys could technically walk to elementary school.
* Manageable mortgage that will be paid off when I'm 46 (or sooner)
* Flexibility to leave for vacations
* Shorter (but still long) commute

City Cons:
* Tiny space for romping around for the boys
* Tiny, mostly shaded, garden space
* No opportunities for livestock
* Limited storage
* Limited guest accommodations

Right now, the two factors I focus on the most are school performance and financial stability (size of our mortgage). Both these factors lead me to the conclusion to stay put. But I can't seem to stop the pull on the heartstrings to move to the country. The hardest decisions in life are often the decisions that don't have a right or wrong answer. I think this is one of them. I think our boys will thrive in either setting. Only time will tell what we end up doing. For now, I will continue to wrestle (internally) with myself and make plans to paint/decorate the new nursery and plant a TINY spring garden in my TINY shaded yard in my current home.  I am trying to embrace living in the moment and appreciate what I have in the here and now (and make the most of it), but I am a forward/future looking thinker/dreamer, so living/embracing the here and now does NOT come easily or naturally.