Fantasyland

How does one accept the fact they can't live in Fantasyland?

Everyone's Fantasyland is a little different.  Mine is reminiscent of a stereotypical 50's era home, where I can practice the domestic arts to my heart's content.  Where my primary job is to manage the homestead rather than fund the homestead.  A place where the sights and sounds of my son are just a few feet away, almost all the time.  Where I have the time and space to grow most of my own food.  Where I can give more time to my community.  Where the social norm is for mom to stay home to raise her children, no matter how educated or accomplished she is.

My Reality consists of not only managing the homestead but also significantly contributing to the funding of the homestead.  Part of me (my brain) feels blessed, honored, proud to be able to do that.  Another part of me (my heart) feels pained to spend so much time at the office and not as much time (as I would like) at home.  I am lucky because I get to work a fairly traditional 40 hour work week (rather than 50-60 hours) on a flexible schedule, but that's still 40+ hours not at home.  Life is about trade-offs and sacrifices though.  Working outside the home affords me an extraordinary lifestyle.  I wholeheartedly acknowledge that.  The challenge is that it doesn't feed my heart.

Many people (working moms in particular) have told me time and time again that it gets easier as time goes on (to accept being a working mom).  Although I have fallen into a fairly comfortable routine now, I still feel extremely conflicted about working.  I still feel anxiety, resentment, regret, guilt and irritation about the fact I am a working mom.  That is my Reality though.  When will these emotions stop???  Perhaps never.  Perhaps that's okay.