Do What You Are

Over the last few months I have been doing a lot of reflection on the topic of career satisfaction (or in my case the lack thereof). I recently finished reading the book Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type by Paul Tieger. I highly recommend it for anyone who is interested in the topic of personality type and career satisfaction.
 
The exercises presented in the book confirmed that I am a rarity. I am definitely a minority (from a personality and temperament perspective), which is probably why I feel like I don’t relate to most people, most of the time. The book is based on the Myers-Briggs personality types. I am an INFJ: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging. Some call this the “Idealist," “Confidant,” or “Catalyst for Positive Change” personality type. Some famous people that are INFJs include Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Billy Crystal, Mel Gibson, Mahatma Gahdhi, Thomas Jefferson and Plato. I suppose I am in decent company.

Here are some excerpts from the book regarding basic characteristics of INFJs (both positive and not so positive), which is shared with about 1% of the population:

INFJ’s inhabit the world of ideas. They are independent, original thinkers with strong feelings, firm principles and personal integrity. They trust their own ideas and decisions even in the face of skepticism. They are motivated by an inner vision that they value above all else, including prevailing opinion or established authority. INFJs often see deeper meaning and have intuitive insights into situations. They are loyal, committed, and idealistic. They are quietly forceful in having their ideas accepted and applied. They value integrity and can be determined to the point of being stubborn. Because of the strength of their conviction and their clear vision of what is best for the common good, INFJs can be great leaders. INFJs value harmony and agreement. They will go to great lengths to promote fellowship and avoid conflict. 

Generally thoughtful decision makers. Empathetic and compassionate, INFJs have a strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others. They are aware of other peoples’ emotions and interests, and often deal well with complicated people. INFJs themselves tend to have deep, complex personalities and can be both sensitive and intense. They can be reserved and hard to get to know, but are willing to share their inner selves with people they trust. They tend to have a small circle of deep, longstanding friendships, and can generate plenty of personal warmth and enthusiasm in the right circumstances. 

Since they tend to be so absorbed with “the idea,” INFJs can sometimes be impractical. They can become so committed to their own principles that they develop tunnel vision. They can be stubborn about change and can resist changing a decision once it has been made. Sometimes they ignore important facts that don’t support their position, or resist ideas that conflict with their values. They are often perfectionists, and they can be hypersensitive to criticism. They can have difficulty dealing with conflict in relationships and can become disappointed and disillusioned when conflicts develop. 

A few other interesting observations:

Only about 4% of the American population comprises Introverted Intuitives. Strong messages permeate our culture that it is better to an Extraverted Sensor (action-oriented, social, pragmatic, and practical) rather than Introverted Intuitive (thoughtful, introspective, complex, and creative).

People like me must have work that makes use of their gift for seeing inner meanings, implications and possibilities. They also like to get things done. Find a way to express their perceptions.

An excerpt from the book about my temperament: Idealist, which is shared with about 16% of the American population:

A good job for an idealist is one that is personally meaningful, rather than simply routine or expedient. They value harmony and do not flourish in a competitive or divisive arena. They prefer democratic organizations that encourage high degree of participation from all levels. Promote humanistic values. Help others find fulfillment. 

Based on one of the exercises in the book, here are my top five priorities (in rank order) for career satisfaction:

1. A career that is done in a friendly and tension free environment where my ideas are seriously considered and where I am psychologically supported for my efforts;

2. A career that lets me organize my own time and work environment and exert significant control over both process and product;

3. A career that lets me implement my ideas for the good of people or in the service of others; lets me work with others on a one-on-one basis;

4. Work that can be done independently but with opportunity to share frequently with others in an environment that is friendly and free of interpersonal conflict;

5. A career that allows me adequate time to formulate and process my ideas so they are thoroughly prepared.

Here are my top five work strengths: Writing, negotiating, problem-solving, working with others, and analysis.

Observations and take-aways:

For nearly 10 years, I have pursued a career as a corporate lawyer. For all but about 18 months of those 10 years, I have questioned whether being a lawyer was the right decision for me to make. I have felt like a round peg in a square hole for a long time. I fit, sort of, but not great. After looking at my top five work strengths, being a lawyer, from a task perspective, is probably a good fit for me. All those skills are necessary for a lawyer to thrive. That’s a good thing, but it clearly hasn’t been enough to create career satisfaction for me.

What I found more interesting, was my list of priorities for career satisfaction, which had much less to do with my daily tasks and much more to do with the type of environment and the people I work with on a daily basis. Working in a friendly, tension free environment, free from interpersonal conflict came up repeatedly. Although I have known this is important to me, I didn’t realize just how important. What this teaches me is that I need to spend less time focused on the task components of my work and spend more time focusing on creating a tension free environment in which to complete those tasks. That will likely involve learning how to communicate with people with different personality types, especially those who I find nasty, insensitive, judgmental or otherwise CRAZY. It also means I need to acquire better skills to approach interpersonal interactions, especially those involving interpersonal conflict, more objectively. It will take work (probably a LOT of work), but I think I now have some insight into where I should focus more of my attention in order to hopefully find career satisfaction.

Nesting on the mind...still

A couple weeks ago, my post was on my internal debate regarding whether to move to the country or not.  My conclusion then, was that it made most sense to stay put.  But over the last two weeks (...if I am really honest, the last three years since we purchased our property), that conclusion just hasn't been sitting well emotionally.  My heart is telling me that I need to move.  Perhaps not right this second, because that would be INSANE.  I am six and half months pregnant for goodness sake!  But, my heart is telling me to move in the next few years.  When the boys are young and could use plenty of space for unabashed running and romping.  Working in the dirt (i.e. gardening) brings me incredible peace (thank you Mama for passing on that gene).  I feel like I could use more space to REALLY garden, not just play around with a couple heads of lettuce and strawberry plants.  Ryan would appreciate having a workshop and being much closer to the river for fishing.  We both crave the simplicity of country living (although I have no illusions that it will not come with an endless list of projects and a lot of hard work to maintain).  All in all, I am pulled emotionally to live in the country. 

That isn't to say that I don't have my doubts and insecurities about the logistics of living farther away from the amenities of the city and suburbia and the fact that the schools are not as exceptional as my current neighborhood schools.  But, my new year's resolution for 2014 was to live more authentically.  Fear seems to be driving me to stay in suburbia.  It is comfortable and familiar.  But, I don't think it is fulfilling what I really want deep down.  Fear is driving me to be unauthentic to who I am.  I want to be brave.  I want to dare to take a risk, a chance on the unknown.  To do something thing that is uncomfortable.  This is completely out of the norm for me.  I historically have made very calculated, safe, responsible decisions in my life.  I DON'T like to take risks.  It has suited me well so far, at least on paper.  But, it hasn't resulted in contentment, or dare I say happiness.  So, my new conclusion, is that we will move to the country.  'Plan A' is back in play!  I am throwing caution to the wind and going to dive feet first into this "new" plan...well, in my typical type-A neurotic planner mode...and get the wheels truly in motion to make the move sometime in the next few years. 

First up on the list is getting the house plans in order.  I have already started working on  the sketches.  Next up on the list is convincing Ryan I am "for real" about this plan to move.  He has endured countless conversations/debates over the past few years where I waffle on this decision (sometimes in the same day!!!), so he rightfully doesn't really want to talk about this issue anymore (because it is ANNOYING...FRUSTRATING...DOWNRIGHT MADDENING to talk to someone who changes her mind a thousand times, literally), let alone believe me when I say I have decided we should move.  There is no reason why he should believe me, given my history on this issue.  What I really appreciate about my husband is that he actually listens to me and the fact that he truly wants me to be happy and is willing to sacrifice his own dreams (including living in the country) for my dreams (what he perceives as me wanting to live in city/suburbia).  The truth is, I really DO want to live in the country.  I am just scared...really scared...about the unknown.  But enough is enough, no more scaredy-cat Crystal.   Time to roll up my sleeves and get to work implementing this plan!

Stay tuned...

Nesting on the Mind

I've been recently meandering through a season of self reflection and wrestling with the same "issue" that I have been wrestling with from time to time since we purchased our 6 acre (hobby) farm 3 1/2 years ago. And yes, it is technically a farm (hence the name of my blpg). A hay farm, currently. I even have to file a Schedule K on my income tax returns, just like the real farmers do. The "issue" I wrestle with is: to move or not to move; to farm or not to farm (in a hobby context). Ryan and I both say, for the time being, we are not going to move anytime soon, but I believe our hearts still pull us to want to move. To want to pursue a hobby farm. To have more outdoor space for our boys to romp around. So, I wrestle internally with these emotions and thoughts. I am likely focused on this issue because I'm 6 months pregnant now and feeling the urge to nest. I am also one that has a strong need to establish roots. I don't like change. I don't like moving. I don't like feeling unsettled. That is why the farm is an "issue." Some people have said to me, "do whatever you want" or "follow your heart." The trouble is that there are a delicate and complicated set of factors that I must weigh in making the decision, so I don't really know what I really "want" more. For example, here are some of the pros and cons:

Farm Pros:
* Lots of space (6 acres of romping room)
* Endless gardening opportunities
* Possiblity to raise livestock
* Storage galore (ability to build a shop, greenhouse, barn etc.)
* Guest accommodations
* Fulfill Ryan's lifelong dream to live in the country

Farm Cons:
* Schools in the area (65% of elementary students meet state standards)
* Must drive everywhere.
* Must plan play dates. No neighborhood kids.
* Likely increase of 25% in our mortgage and adding an additional 15 years (pay off at 60+ years old)
* Longer commute
* Travel logistics are more complicated (plants and animals need constant care)

City Pros:
* Stellar schools (93+% of elementary students meet state standards)
* Neighborhood full of families. Neighbors on our street that we like and trust.
* Walkable (i.e. sidewalks). The boys could technically walk to elementary school.
* Manageable mortgage that will be paid off when I'm 46 (or sooner)
* Flexibility to leave for vacations
* Shorter (but still long) commute

City Cons:
* Tiny space for romping around for the boys
* Tiny, mostly shaded, garden space
* No opportunities for livestock
* Limited storage
* Limited guest accommodations

Right now, the two factors I focus on the most are school performance and financial stability (size of our mortgage). Both these factors lead me to the conclusion to stay put. But I can't seem to stop the pull on the heartstrings to move to the country. The hardest decisions in life are often the decisions that don't have a right or wrong answer. I think this is one of them. I think our boys will thrive in either setting. Only time will tell what we end up doing. For now, I will continue to wrestle (internally) with myself and make plans to paint/decorate the new nursery and plant a TINY spring garden in my TINY shaded yard in my current home.  I am trying to embrace living in the moment and appreciate what I have in the here and now (and make the most of it), but I am a forward/future looking thinker/dreamer, so living/embracing the here and now does NOT come easily or naturally. 

On Being a Minority

No, I'm not talking about being a racial minority (which I'm one of those too)...

The US Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that that in 2012 there were 9,134,000 women with children under the age of three.  6,334,000 of those women work and 2,595,000 of those women work 35 or more hours a week.  These are my peeps, other full time working moms.  What do these numbers tell me?  They tell me that only 1/3 women with itty bitty kiddos work and that only 2/5 women with itty bitty kiddos who do work, work full time.  What this also means is that I am squarely a minority.  Being a minority doesn’t bother me per se and it  isn’t necessarily a negative, but what it does mean is that social policy and culture in the US often does not cater to my needs (or desires, dreams or hopes for that matter).

Being a minority in this context feels lonely sometimes.  Trying to navigate a world that feels like it is designed for non-working moms (people really) is frustrating.  Juggling full time work with itty bitty people is HARD, and unless you do it yourself, you have NO CLUE just how HARD.  2/3 of moms get the luxury of more time with their babies that I do.  2/3 of moms don’t have to squish their life into a box built for non-working moms.  I am reminded of this reality every time I try to sign Henry up for preschool, music, swimming, visit a museum, go to the library, etc.  Most preschools are designed around a 9-11:30 timeframe, swim class is offered at 10am on Tuesday, music is offered at 1:15 on Wednesdays, mommy matinees are offered during the classic work day, story times at the library are the during the traditional work day, DMV, DEQ and SSA close at 5, doctor and dentist offices operate M-F, banks are only open 9-5 etc.  Sure, there are a few evening and weekend options, which I try (and must for lack of other options) to take advantage of, and there are few preschools that have caught onto the fact some moms have to work BEFORE 9am, but the slots are limited, the facilities are limited, the opportunities are limited.  I have to get in line with the other 2,595,000 full time working moms struggling with the same limitations.  It is frustrating to always be subjected to waitlists, long lines, early enrollment deadlines, asking for favors, all because I work full time.  No one really talks about these challenges when you are in graduate school, embarking on a profession.  No one prepares women for the sacrifices they will have to make if they choose the daunting task of being a mom and a full time professional.  I desperately hope that by the time my children begin to start and grow their families that our country will embrace social policy and cultural change in a family-centric direction.  Countries, such as Sweden, that have gone through what I will call “mini revolutions” in this respect find people are happier, production increases, and divorce rates decrease.  These seem like things ALL people can support (regardless of marital or child status), not just working moms.  

People ask me if I am excited about inviting the Jellybean into our lives.  Surely I am excited, but more than excited, I am terrified and overwhelmed.  I made the conscious choice to become a parent and I embrace it with all of my heart, but I am also extremely anxious about what life has in store for me when the Jellybean joins our family.  My responsibilities will increase and the logistical challenges I face in life will double (at least).  Having said that, I am one that shows up, always have been, and I will indeed show up for this challenge too.  But...I am scared.

Round Two - 16 Weeks and Counting

Many moms told me that pregnancy with "number 2" would be different than the first time around.  I was skeptical (which is likely just part of my personality).  In some ways, this pregnancy is different, but in many ways, it is much the same.  Here are some reflections:

Cravings: I craved spicy food and fruit with Henry.  This Jellybean likes salty crunchy foods and lots of carbs.  There were a few weeks that all I thought about was tacos, and yes, I indulged the little bugger.

Fatigue: The first trimester fatigue with both "bundles of joy" was awful. I remember with Henry, closing my door at lunchtime and taking cat naps on my desk, hoping I wouldn't wake up with paper creases on my face.  This time around, I didn't take any desk naps, but I walked around like a zombie for at least 2 months.  I am still in awe that I somehow went to work and got stuff out the door.  Thankfully, my energy came back in the second trimester with both Henry and this Jellybean.

Morning Sickness:  I am one of those blessed women {don't judge} that doesn't get throw-up sick with pregnancy.  That's not to say that I felt great all the time.  There were many days when I felt gross.  Nauseous.  Wanted to go home and pull the covers over my head (the fatigue didn't help in this regard) and wake up 8 weeks later.  But, I never threw up with Henry.  And I haven't thrown up with this Jellybean.  Luckily, that gross, not so stellar feeling, has gone away in the second trimester just as it did with Henry.

Headaches:  This is a new symptom for this pregnancy.  I don't remember getting headaches with Henry.  I have experienced periodic headaches with this pregnancy.  Not debilitating migraine headaches, but still annoying.  I feel bad for those who struggle with headaches on a regular basis.  I am lucky that I rarely get headaches in my non-pregnant state.

Baby Movements:  I felt Henry move around for the first time at 19 weeks.  I remember distinctly being on the Max, reading a pregnancy related book on the way to work one morning and feeling a sensation much like a few gas bubbles moving in my lower abdomen...but then there was no fart.  This Jellybean decided to make his/her presence known at the end of 13 weeks.  Very similar sensation.  At first I didn't think it was possible to feel the baby that early, but then it happened again, and again and again.  Usually just once or twice a day.  At 16 weeks I can feel the Jellybean move more regularly (at least a few times a day) and it feels more like a gentle pushing, rolling sensation. 

Baby Bump: I showed early with Henry.  I remember feeling discouraged reading pregnancy magazines and books that said it was unlikely that I would need to go shopping for maternity clothes until month 5 or so.  Ha!  I purchased my first maternity pants at 9 weeks, but couldn't bear to pull them on until 10 weeks.  I tried squishing myself into my normal pants and skirts for another couple weeks, but by 12 weeks, I was in full time maternity pants.  This Jellybean wanted everyone to know he/she had invaded my body as early as possible, so this mama pulled on the maternity pants at 8 weeks and haven't looked back.  Yes people, I've been in maternity pants for 2 months already!!!  I have a very distinctively round belly.  And ginormous knockers, just like with Henry.

Itchy:  I remember being really itchy with Henry.  It is no different this time.  I am itchy, itchy, itchy.  I feel like I have ants crawling on me.  No amount of lotion, cream, salve helps.  I am just itchy!

Moodiness:  Hormones are an interesting thing.  I feel like I am generally a pretty level-headed, even-tempered person.  In pregnancy, I find I am more sensitive and less patient.  In particular when I am tired.  I try my best to keep perspective and recognize when the hormones are taking over versus my brain.  Relatively speaking, I don't think I am nearly as moody as some women, but I do find myself getting chocked up at sappy commercials on TV or hearing stories about families in need on the radio.  

Heart Rate: Henry's heart rate hoovered in the 150's while in the womb.  This Jellybean is also hoovering in the 150's.  However, Henry was way more chill and relaxed in the womb. This Jellybean is always dancing, kicking, and squirming around every time my OB tries to find a heartbeat using the Doppler or take a peak with the ultrasound. 

Gender: I was convinced that Henry was a girl before my 18 week ultrasound.  Clearly, I was wrong.  There is nothing girlish about him, he is all BOY!  I am convinced this Jellybean is also a girl, but we all know how my prediction ended up last time.  Ryan also seems to think this one is a girl too.  Mostly because everyone in his family has one of each gender.  We hope to find out if our predictions are correct in just three weeks.  Eeeeeeeek!

Neurosis: Yes, I am a neurotic human being.  I obsess about stuff.  From what color to paint my kitchen, to what pre-school I should enroll Henry in, to what I should make for dinner next Sunday.  It was no different when I was pregnant with Henry.  I actually took it up a notch when I was pregnant with Henry.  I obsessed about all things pregnancy and baby related.  I devoured pregnancy and baby books, magazines, blogs, websites, etc. I never ate sushi, lunch meat, unpasteurized cheese, artificial sweeteners, significantly limited my caffeine intake etc.  I stayed out of salons to avoid the fumes.  I would cross the street if someone was smoking so I could avoid the second hand smoke.  With this pregnancy, I am much more relaxed about stuff.  I trust things will work themselves out just as they should.  I haven't read one pregnancy related blog or magazine.  I do reference a couple of my generic pregnancy books from time to time, just because I like to know what is going on developmentally.  Like the fact the Jellybean is developing eyelashes this week and can hear my voice now.  How cool is that!?!  I've eaten a turkey sandwich, over-easy egg and drank a diet soda all in the last month or so.  I fairly regularly have a cup of caffeinated coffee.  I stood behind a smoker on an escalator the other day.  And I might just go get myself a pedicure in the near future.  All in all, I am not nearly as neurotic this pregnancy as the last.  I still try to eat well, get a bit of exercise, take my vitamins, drink water and get some rest when I am tired, but I not obsessing every second of every day. I am thankful for this difference.

Hopes for 2014

Hello 2014!  A new year brings new beginnings.  A time to reflect on the past and a time to plan for the future.  I usually make resolutions this time of year, but this year, I will set forth hopes for the year, rather than resolutions.  This way, I will remain optimistic all year rather than beat myself up for not fulfilling my resolutions. 

Here are my hopes for this year:

Experience an uncomplicated pregnancy and birth with Jellybean #2. {So far, so good.}

Welcome a healthy new Jellybean into our family.

Enjoy my maternity leave, warding off postpartum depression.

Relax.  Count more moments than minutes.

Continue to make time for Me and Us.

To live more authentically.  

To sum it up, I hope to find more peace and contentment this year (as it's been for the last few years).  What I find, for me, is that peace and contentment do not come naturally.  It takes work.  A lot of work.  I've made progress.  Good progress.  I begin this year with the hope of finding it once and for all, or perhaps at least get a little closer.

Many Thanks

There are so many things I am grateful for these days.  Here are some highlights:

*  Observing Henry and Ryan watch for trains downtown while visiting Ryan at the fire station. Nothing melts my heart quite like watching my two boys together.

*  Chocolate marble cake.  Thanks Ryan for having a birthday so we could have an excuse to indulge (not that I really need one).

*  Live music and an evening out with friends.

*  Grandma Sherry and Grandpa Keith watching Henry, including some recent sleepovers.  Henry LOVES his "Gamma Sheeedie and Gammpa Keeeh"! 

*  Playing with diggers and dumpers with Henry.

*  Morning coffee with my Honey.

*  Sleeping for more than 6 hours.

*  Piano lessons.  My very patient instructor is amazing.

*  Reading, for fun.

*  Lunch time walks with Britney.  She is one of the best listeners ever!

*  Surprise visit from my dearest friend Jen.  

*  Reading books with Henry.

*  Building sand castles with Henry.

*  Walks with Sophie.

*  My mom. For everything.

*  Movie night.

*  Playing with the Ko kids.

*  Dinner with Ryan's folks.  Good to catch up, sans kiddo.

*  Building train tracks with Henry.

*  Date nights.

*  BBQ with Nick and Mary.  Ryan made the best ribs!

*  Dinner with Beth, topped off with Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  Great food, great company.

*  Day dreaming.

*  Tenants.  Yes, we have tenants in our rental!  And they have paid their rent on time!  And mowed the lawn!  

*  Gardening.  I've harvested strawberries, tomatoes, peas, lettuce, basil, blueberries and cucumbers so far this year.  So much fun.

*  Playing Legos with Henry.  

*  Snuggles with Henry.  We used to snuggle in "Mama's bed," but now we snuggle in the "Big Boy bed."  Yup, Henry hit a new milestone and has decided he no longer wants to sleep in the crib.  

*  Fresh cut sunflowers. They make the kitchen so happy...or should I say they make me happy in my kitchen.

*  Crocheting.  I'm almost done with the baby blanket I'm making for girlfriend who is due this month.  Yay for more babies!

*  Farmers market. I love open air markets and I love food.  The farmers market is perfect for a person like me.

*  Lunch with Grandma O and Grandpa Jim. 

*  Water table fun with Henry.

*  Berry picking.  Berry eating.

*  Getting to work early so I can work fewer late nights.

*  Feeling happy. Recently, I experienced another dark season (emotionally) for a couple months.  But now, this week, I'm feeling happy.  It is so good to feel a bit more "normal" again.

*  Cobbler.

*  Organizing some of the mass quantities of paper in my house.  Little by little, I hope get better organized by the end of the year.

*  Evening jogs.  Last week I decided to get back on the horse and start jogging again (after taking nearly 3 months off).  Man am I out of shape!

*  Neighbors.

*  A whole month without rain.  Yes, a whole month...in Oregon!  I love the rain (as a true Oregonian), but it is summer, so the sun is welcome.

 

Friday Thanks

Some things I am grateful for this week:

* Grandma Sherry watching Henry so I could attend a UP game with Ryan and stay the entire game.
* Homemade sausage tortellini soup, fish sticks (with salmon caught by Ryan), banana bread, baked sweet potato (fries) and ketchup (yes, indeed, I made it from scratch). 
* Play date with Layton and Ben (girlfriend-time with mom Wende).
* Play date with Brae, Sienna and Theo (girlfriend-time with moms Britney and Mo).
* Lunch with Caitlin (I can't believe she is a sophomore in college.  I remember changing her diapers!)
* Practicing the piano (my poor neighbors have had to listen to Jingle Bells too many times to count, and it still doesn't sound quite right when I play it...hehehehehe)
* Reading for fun (just finished my second book for the year)
* Painting my nails (sparkly violet make me feel so feminine)
* Date night with my man tonight
* Grandpa Keith watching Henry on Wednesday.  It's an amazing blessing to have family to chip in. 
* Quick coffee date with Ryan
* Sitting on the couch with Henry reading book after book
* Building blocks, playing chase and racing Hot Wheels with Little Man.
* Daylight when I get off of work.
* Picking up Henry and eating seaweed soup and kimchi made by my Mama.
* Morning snuggles with Henry in the rocking chair.
* Sunny winter day.

Friday Thanks

2013 is still treating me well.  Recent things I'm thankful for:

* Going out to breakfast as a family.  Watching Henry devour pancakes is priceless!
* Grandma Sherry watching Henry so I could enjoy a UP game with Ryan all the way through (I usually leave at half time to get Henry in bed).
* Piano lesson.  Especially grateful that my instructor didn't laugh at me.
* Morning cuddles with the Hubbie.
* Walks with Soph and Henry.  Crisp, cold air does a body good.
* Jogging on the treadmill.
* Daydreaming of being a landlord.
* Painting my nails and toenails.
* Reading for fun.
* Coming home to a clean house.
* Making time to practice the piano.
* Fish stew made by my Mama (Grandma O).
* Grandpa Keith walking me to the car (to make sure Henry and I are safe).
* Homemade lasagna.
* Lunch with my girlfriend Laura.
* Playing trains, chase and having foam sword fights with Henry.
* Reading countless books with Henry and doing sticker art with him.
* Hugs, kisses and cuddles from my Little Man.  The way he says "Maaaamaaaaa" melts my heart.
* Glass of wine after a long week at work.

Weekend Thanks

2013 is off to a splendid start.  Here are some highlights of things I am grateful for from recent days:

* Date night with Ryan.  Evening out with our good friends Hadidjah, Fred and Gabe. 
* Grandma Sherry and Grandpa Keith taking Henry over night to facilitate date night.
* Grandpa Keith driving Henry home after his sleepover.
* Playdate with Cameron, Jade, Layton and Ben (and their moms Kellie, Shira and Wendy).
* Coming home from work to dinner on the table.
* Coming home to a clean house.
* First piano lesson (I need to practice!!!).
* Beth visiting.
* Trying out new recipes for banana bread and chunky tomato bisque. 
* Three runs on the treadmill (13 miles this week).
* Painting my nails.
* Finding a couple hours throughout the week to read for fun.
* Watching TV with Ryan.
* Playing with the Ko kids.
* Devouring nearly a jar of my homemade pickles from last summer.

Reflections and Resolutions

At the beginning of 2012, I made three resolutions for the year (1) simplify, (2) find peace with being a working mom, and (3) eat more fish.

If I had to grade myself, I would give myself a B for number (1), F for number (2) and B for number (3).  For the straight-A student part of me, this is an atrocious report card. 

Having said that, I would give myself an A for effort. 

I tried really hard to find ways to simplify my life by hiring a house keeper (which really didn't reduce my housework load as much as I had hoped and anticipated...but I still LOVE that twice a month, my house gets cleaned top to bottom by someone else), hiring more babysitters (or swapping babysitting), prepping many dinners the night before, letting go of having a spotless house, not over-committing to host too many things, etc.  Although there is still room for improvement, I did a decent job finding ways to simplify my life. 

I ate much more fish than in previous years, but not as much as I first set out to eat.  I do find myself making a conscious decision to make a fish selection more than I ever have in the past, so I think I was pretty successful with this goal.

Now, for finding peace with being a working mom...this was a complete FAILURE in 2012.  I am not used to failing at anything I set my mind to do...so this is a hard pill to swallow.  Again, I give myself an A for effort though.  I sought professional help by seeing a therapist for 6 months, read countless blogs and magazine articles on the topic, talked with many working moms, read books on stress management, marriage and parenting, etc..  But, at the end of the day, I FAILED to find peace with being a working mom.  Honestly, by the end of the year, I felt broken in many ways.

BUT, with a new year, comes new energy, time to reflect and an opportunity to set new resolutions and goals.  So, for 2013 I am resolving to do three things (1) find peace with being a working mom (I want another bite at the apple), (2) spend more quality time focused on me and us, and (3) organize my closets and drawers.  Number (1) and (2) are actually related somewhat.  I have been reflecting a lot lately on WHY I still struggle (immensely) with this whole concept of being a working mom.  After reading through and reflecting on my "Random 2 Weeks" and simply thinking back on the last two years of my life (since Henry was born) I have come to the conclusion that I have lost focus on who I am - a dynamic, multifaceted woman. 

I have spent the better part of the last two years focused on really only two parts of my life: being a mom and being a lawyer.  Although I have made some effort to still be a decent friend, daughter and wife, the primary focus of the last two years has been on being a mom and lawyer.  One role driven by desire (and perhaps biology), the other role driven by necessity.  The role driven by necessity takes up a SIGNIFICANT number of my waking hours.  This has made me grumpy at best....angry, resentful, guilty, and bitter at worst.  But WHY???

The best hypothesis I can come up with at this time is that I am so conflicted because I sacrificed (in large part but admittedly not entirely) the many other roles I used to have before I had Henry: crafter, reader, walker, devoted daughter, wife and friend, volunteer, chef, gardener, traveler, dreamer.  I did this 100% voluntarily, but perhaps not consciously.  My biggest FEAR after Henry was born was/is that my choice to work was/is going to forever harm him...and me...so I devoted as many of my waking hours that were not devoted to work (and the occasional date with Ryan) to Henry. This is a recipe for disaster and disaster is what I am coping with.

Logically, I know that it is important to nurture oneself.  Logically, I know that Henry will not be harmed by my choice to work.  Logically, I know that Henry is happy, healthy and thriving.  Logically, I know that a happy mother makes a much better mother than an unhappy mother (which is current state).  Emotionally though, I have not been able to change course.

But, in 2013 I am setting out to change course, because what I have been doing has clearly NOT been working. I need to spend more time nurturing me.  I need to spend more time nurturing my marriage, my dear Ryan.  I believe (HOPE) this will result in a happier/healthier mom for Henry, happier/healthier wife for Ryan, and happier/healthier person for myself.  If I am more balanced and fulfilled, I believe (HOPE) I will find peace with work and being a working mom.

Oh, but HOW???  Here are a few thing I aspire to do this year to accomplish number (2) - spend more quality time focused on me and us, which I think will facilitate accomplishing number (1) - finding peace with being a working mom:

1. 20 date nights...minimum
2. Take a family vacation
3. Finish making Henry's baby book
4. Paint my nails and/or toenails regularly
5. Read for pleasure more
6. Blog
7. Jog/Exercise regularly
8. Plant veggies/fruit in the summer
9. Canning
10. Learn to play the piano (my lessons start tomorrow!)
11. SLEEP more
12.  Express my gratitude regularly
13.  Allow myself to relax and laugh more often
14. Spend more time with other working moms with young children
15. Spend more time with old (and new) girlfriends

Cheers to 2013!!!  I have HUGE hopes that this will be a WONDERFUL and JOYOUS year to come.

Friday Thanks

I am so very fortunate to have amazing parents.  This week's thanks focuses on them:

* My Mama.  When I think about how much I love my Mama, my eyes swell with tears.  Words really can't describe the depths of my adoration for my mom.  My mom is my rock.  She encourages me, supports me, coaches me, calms me, helps me in countless ways, and keeps me sane, by just being her.  She has taught me more than I ever realized about how to be a great mom and person, by simply modeling the behavior. My mom is one of the most hard-working people I know (she never stops moving).  She's kind and thoughtful, so often sacrificing her desires for others.  She's generous.  She's loving.  She's nurturing. She's beautiful, inside and out.  She taught me one of the most important life lessons: "You can't control others, only yourself.  When things get rough, change your perspective." On top of it all, she's a rock-star grandma.  The love and attention she pays to my son, MELTS MY HEART. To the bottom of my heart, I am thankful for my mom.  I love her.

* My Daddy (yes, I still call him Daddy): My dad was the one who made me believe in the concept "you can be anything you put your mind to."  He taught me how to dream big and then go after those dreams.  Much of my achievement in my life is thanks to my dad's work in making me believe in myself.  Pushing me to want ever more in life and to be the best that I could be.  Teaching me not to give up and to be patient. Growing up, my dad always made me a priority, made our family a priority.  He took a sincere interest in my life.  He made me feel important and relevant. My dad has always been my biggest fan.  I will forever be my daddy's little girl.

* My mother-in-law, Sherry.  I am blessed to have her in my life.  She's not just family, but someone I call a friend.  She's an amazing grandma who is a master of the wonder of childhood; singing songs, making art, telling stories, playing pretend and always having Henry's favorite snacks on hand.  She's a wise teacher, both professionally and in life to me and my young family.  Earlier this month, she stayed at our house for a night (when Ryan worked) to take care of my babies (two and four-legged) so that I could go visit my college bestie up in Seattle. I am so thankful that I have someone in my life that I have absolutely no worries leaving Henry (and Sophie) with overnight.  That mental/emotional comfort is a HUGE gift to a mom.  Many people have strained relationships with their in-laws.  I am so glad that I do not.  I am so grateful that I have a meaningful relationship with my mother-in-law. Life is better with her in it.

* My father-in-law, Keith.  I am thankful for my father-in-law's humor and thoughtfulness, two things he passed on to his son, which I also find to be two of Ryan's best qualities.  Keith has always accepted me for me, even though he initially thought I was wound super tight and anal (probably still does...hehehe).  He's always encouraged me to let go and be happier, not to fuss over things so much (that don't really matter).  He's poked fun at me since the day I met him, which is how I know he likes me.  Although some may think he has a rough (perhaps grumpy) exterior, he is always willing to lend a helping hand and he routinely does nice things for others.  For example, he will make each of the kids favorites pie (including mine) because he knows they are their favorite.  He'll make berry jam, arduously straining the seeds (because most don't like them), just to put them back in a couple of jars for me (because I like the seeds). He's been know to drive me across town in the snow because I'm afraid to drive in the snow and help Ryan shovel 9 cubic yards of gravel when his body didn't want to take another step because Ryan simply asked for some help.  He does these things because he cares, and I am grateful that he cares for me.

A random 2 weeks [part 2]

This is part 2 of my random 2 week journaling exercise.  Observations/reflections/learnings are to come after this exercise...or at least that this the hope.  Below are days 6-14. 

Monday, November 12
6:00 Alarm goes off.  Do I get up...no.
6:23 Roll out of bed.  Get ready to work...slowly.  I'm not fond of Mondays.
6:55 Feed/water Sophie. Make coffee.  Sort a load of laundry. Make oatmeal for Henry.
7:10 Henry wakes up.  Cuddles in the rocking chair, change and get dressed.
7:25 Breakfast with Henry.
7:53 Say good-bye and head to work.
8:23 Arrive at office.
12:00 Head out for lunch and a little retail therapy.
1:10 Arrive back at work.
5:05 Leave the office for home.
5:37 Arrive home. Greet Henry and Ryan.  Read a couple books, while Ryan fixes dinner.
5:50 Sit down to dinner.
6:20 Free play with Henry (blocks, trains, cars, lots of books, chase)
7:30 Bedtime routine with Henry (PJs, teeth, wash hands, vitamins, water, cuddles)
8:08 Lay Henry down in his crib for the night.
8:10 Dishes, laundry, straighten up, change clothes for run.
8:45 Jog on the treadmill (5 miles again today! It was definately a matter of mind over matter today though, I just didn't have the motivation.)
9:43 Drink water.  Check Facebook.  Try to fix my computer.  Find a workaround. Blog.
10:22 Shower.
10:40 Crack open work laptop.
11:25 Started to fall asleep while working, time to go to bed.
11:30 Lights out.

Tuesday, November 13
6:00 Alarm starts to beep. Actually wake up and chat with Ryan for a few minutes.
6:12 Get out of bed and get ready for work. Help Ryan with a cut on his face (shaving is dangerous!)
6:42 Feed/water Sophie.
6:50 Make breakfast for Henry.
7:00 Get Henry up for the day.  Changed and dressed.
7:08 Eat breakfast with Henry.
7:35 Leave for Henry's first dentist visit.
7:52 Miss my exit on the freeway.  Call dentist to let them know I will be a few minutes late.
7:56 Take next exist and get back on track.
8:03 Arrive at dentist office.
8:06 Check in and fill out paperwork.  Visit with dentist.  Henry was AMAZING during the appointment.
8:44 Get buckled back into the car.
9:07 Arrive at Grandma O's house.
9:28 Leave for work.
10:02 Arrive at office.
4:02 Leave office to pick up Henry.
4:37 Arrive at Grandma O's.  We play together.  She makes dinner.  We eat.  Grandpa Jim returns home.  We play some more.
6:18 Pack up the car.
6:40 Arrive home.  Get settled.  Check phone messages. Feed/water Sophie. Start a load of laundry.
6:55 Bath time for Henry (early because he only slept 30 minutes for Grandma O, the entire day!)
7:20 Bed time for Henry.
7:25 Change clothes, check email and Facebook.
7:35 Jog (slowly...3 miles...my heart is not in it this week).
8:11 Dishes. Prep veggies for dinner the next night.
8:30 Chat with Ryan on the phone.
9:02 Finish dishes, straightening up, and laundry.
9:25 Shower.
9:47 Open work laptop to perhaps do a few minutes of work.
10:25 Feeling very sleepy so blow dry hair to try to wake up a little.
10:30 Work a few more minutes.
10:55 Finally succumb to the heavy eyelids and turn out the lights.

Wednesday, November 14
5:15 Alarm goes off.  Not feeling 100%.  Lay there and snuggle beneath the warm covers.
5:29 Get out of bed and get ready for work.
5:50 Feed/water Sophie.
5:55 Make coffee.  Glorious coffee! Turn on work laptop and work for a bit.
6:37 Make lunch (being proactive today). Check personal email.
6:51 Wake Henry up.  Read a book in the rocking chair and steal a few kisses. Get him changed and dressed.
7:08 Pack up the car and head over to Grandma O's (she wanted to spend an extra day with Henry this week).
7:27 Arrive at Grandma O's.
7:44 Leave Grandma O's house and head to shot clinic. Traffic is awful this morning.
8:25 Arrive at shot clinic.  Get allergy shots.
9:03 Leave for work.
9:20 Arrive at office.
5:00 Leave office.
5:34 Arrive home.  Turn on the oven.  Say hi to Ryan. Start getting dinner ready.
5:42 Get Henry up from his nap.  Read a book in the rocking chair.  Change.
5:52 Feed/water Sophie.
5:55 Continue making dinner.  Get Henry's dinner started.
6:38 Sit down to dinner with Ryan.
6:56 Free play with Henry.
7:33 Head upstairs to get Henry ready for bed (PJs, wash hands, brush teeth, read books, snuggle in bed for a few minutes, vitamins and water).  Give Dad knucks and kisses good-night.
8:08 Lay Henry in his bed.
8:10 Quick chat with Ryan's mom on the phone.
8:15 Look up low iodine dietary restrictions before heading to the store (a friend of mine is coming over for dinner on Friday and she has to be on a low iodine diet for a medical condition).
8:22 Leave house for New Seasons to get things for special dinner (black bean chilli).
9:03 Arrive back home.
9:10 Make chili powder.
9:15 Dishes. Check personal email.
9:35 Shower.
10:27 Climb into bed and drift off to sleep.

Thursday, November 15
6:00 Alarm goes off. 
6:09 Look at clock and think..."Crystal, you really should get out of bed."
6:22 Pull off the covers and get up.  Get ready for work.
6:42 Feed/water Sophie.
6:47 Make oatmeal for Henry.
6:55 Steal a few cuddles from Ryan (and tell him it is time to get up).
7:05 Get Henry up.  Read a book.  Change and get dressed.
7:18 Breakfast with Henry.
7:46 Kisses and hugs for Henry and Ryan.
7:49 Leave for work.
8:29 Arrive at work.
4:49 Leave work.
5:18 Meet Ryan and Henry for dinner at a favorite burrito joint.
5:53 Leave for UP Game.
6:00 Arrive at Chiles Center.  Henry runs around a like a madman, climbs the bleachers and sits on about 45 different seats. 
7:00 Tipoff.  Go Pilots!!!
7:56 Leave game during halftime.
8:22 Arrive home.  Bath time for Henry and bedtime routine.  Read books.
8:30 Begin cooking beans for next night's dinner.
8:55 Lay Henry down in his crib for the night.
8:58 Dishes. Check Facebook.  Change clothes for a jog.
9:14 Quick jog on the treadmill.  (3 miles)
9:50 Check email. 
10:00 Straighten up and vacuum downstairs.
10:35 Shower
11:00 Climb in bed, relax and read a novel for a few minutes. 
11:15 Lights out.

Friday, November 16
6:00 Both alarms go off.  Do I get up...nope!
6:18 Get out of bed.  Get ready for work.
6:35 Make bed.  Feed/water Sophie.  Pack up bags.
6:50 Wake Henry up, read a book, change and get dressed.
7:08 Leave for Grandma O's house.
7:27 Arrive at Grandma O's house.
7:39 Leave for work.
8:17 Arrive at work.
1:47 Leave work.  Hooray it is the weekend!
2:12 Arrive at Grandma O's house. Play blocks and cars and have a snack with Henry.
3:04 Pack up the car to return home.
3:22 Arrive home.  Lay Henry down in his crib for a nap.
3:30 Begin making chili and beer bread.
4:15 Clean up the kitchen a bit.
5:00 Henry wakes up.  My friend Beth arrives for dinner.
5:30 Sit down to dinner.  Everyone enjoys.
6:10 Put leftovers away and play for awhile with Henry.
6:35 Walk Sophie (with Henry and Beth).
7:38 Return home.
8:40 Say good-bye to Beth.  Bedtime routine with Henry.
9:03 Kisses good-night for Henry. Lay him in his crib for the night.  (Yes, we may be an hour late, but he napped for more than 4 hours today, so I don't feel too bad).
9:10 Laundry
9:30 Chat with Ryan on the phone.
10:00 Shower
10:40 Bed

Saturday, November 17
6:40 Wake up.  Feed/water Sophie.
6:45 Enjoy a cup of coffee.  Work for a half hour.
7:20 Henry wakes up.  Read books.  Get changed and dressed.
8:00 Breakfast with Henry.
8:25 Playtime with Henry.  Books, trains, cars, blocks, Mr. Potato head etc.
9:45 Naptime.  Sleepy boy today.
9:50 Dishes.  Laundry. Change clothes.
10:10 Quick jog on the treadmill. (3 miles)
10:50 Shower
11:25 Henry wakes up.  Read books and playtime.
12:10 Lunch with Henry and Ryan (leftover chili from last night...yum).
1:20 Pack Henry up for his night with Grandma Sherry and Grandpa Keith.
1:45 Grandma Sherry and Grandpa Keith arrive.  Spend time catching up for a bit while Henry plays.
2:20 Henry takes off with Grandma Sherry and Grandpa Keith.
2:30 Get ready for date night, watch some football and hang out with Ryan.
3:40 Leave house and head to Hopworks for a beer.
4:45 Leave Hopworks for Skyway.
5:40ish Arrive at Skyway.  Have dinner, watch Ducks game, watch live music.
11:00ish Leave Skyway.
12:05 Arrive home.  Get ready for bed.
12:25 Night-night.

Sunday, November 18
7:15 Wake up.  Shower.
8:05 Leave house for breakfast with friends.
8:30 Arrive and get in line. 
9:00 Breakfast with friends.
10:15 Leave to pick up Henry.  Get gas along the way.
11:00 Pick up Henry. 
11:25 Return home.  Playtime.  Laundry.  Dishes.
1:45 Naptime for Henry.
1:50 Work for a couple of hours.
4:00 Watch some football and relax.
4:25 Blog.
4:40 Wake up Henry and get him changed.
4:50 Head over to our neighbors to watch/play with the kiddos (payback night for babysitting swap).
8:25 Return home and bedtime routine with Henry (PJs, books, teeth, cuddles)
8:50 Lay Henry down for the night.
8:55 Laundry.  Straighten up.
9:15 Bathe Sophie.
9:40 Laundry.  Get ready for bed.
10:10 Relax and watch a bit of TV.
11:05 Drift off to sleep.

Monday, November 19
6:23 Wake up...or should I say, Ryan woke me up since I slept through my alarm. : ) Get ready for work.
6:45 Feed/water Sophie.  Make bed.  Move laundry around.
6:55 Wake up Henry.  Few morning kisses, read a book, get changed and dressed for the day.
7:12 Leave the house for Grandma O's.
7:27 Arrive at Grandma O's house.
7:46 Leave for meeting off site.
11:50 Leave meeting and head toward office.  Quick stop on the way at Costco for some Thanksgiving items.
12:40 Arrive at office.
1:30 Leave office and head to Fred Meyer for more grocery shopping for Thanksgiving.
1:50 Arrive at Fred Meyer.
2:08 Leave Fred Meyer and head to Grandma O's house.
2:16 Arrive at Grandma O's house.  Free play with Henry and chat with mom.
3:05 Leave Grandma O's house to return home.  Henry falls asleep in the car.
3:23 Arrive home.  Lay Henry in his crib for a nap.
3:26 Unpack groceries, arrange fridge and heat up a late lunch.
4:13 Work.
4:47 Henry wakes up.  Read books and play trains with Henry.
5:20 Dinner with Henry.
5:45 Clean up from dinner.  Free play with Henry.
7:35 Bedtime routine with Henry.
7:50 Lay Henry down in his crib for the night.
7:52 Straighten up.  Check email.  Dishes.
8:25 Blog and chat with Ryan on the phone.
8:55 Change clothes for a jog.
9:03 Jog on treadmill (6 miles today!!!)
10:13 Check email and Facebook.
10:24 Work
11:11 Shower and get ready for bed.
11:32 Work
12:27 Turn off the lights and go to bed.

Tuesday, November 20
6:20 Roll out of bed.
6:42 Feed/water Sophie.
6:51 Wake up Henry.  Read a couple books while cuddling in the rocking chair.  Get changed and dressed.
7:08 Pack up the car and head over to Grandma O's house.
7:24 Arrive at Grandma O's house.
7:45 Leave for work.
8:36 Meet Ryan for a cup of coffee.
9:00 Arrive at office.
5:00 Leave office.
5:32 Arrive home.
5:35 Begin making dinner.
5:45 Henry wakes up.  Continue making dinner while holding him.
5:55 Eat dinner with Ryan and Henry.
6:24 Free play with Henry.
7:25 Buzz Henry's hair. Vacuum up afterward.
7:40 Bathtime for Henry. Bedtime routine.
8:12 Lay Henry in his crib for the night.
8:15 Hang pictures.  Dishes.  Create grocery list for remainder of the turkey day items.
9:00 Finalize and order Christmas cards.
9:30 Work.
10:10 Take roasted sweet tators out of the oven (in preparation for Thanksgiving).
10:25 Shower.
10:45 Scoop out the sweet tators.
11:15 Night-night.

A random 2 weeks [part 1]

Another blogger I follow, recently went through the exercise of creating a daily journal for a random period of time to see if she could glean any learning/reflections about her life.  So, I thought I would do the same to see if I can learn something about my life as well, based on a random 2 week snapshot.  The first 5 days of my random 2 weeks are posted below:

Wednesday, November 7
5:45 Alarm begins to buzz.  I grunt and turn off the alarm.  Roll over.
6:00 Ryan's alarm begins to buzz.  He gets up dutifully and hops in the shower.  I roll over.
6:20 I finally roll out of bed and begin getting ready for work.
6:40 Feed/water Sophie.
6:45 Wake Henry, cuddle for a few minutes in the rocking chair, change his diaper and get him dressed.
7:00 Pack our bags and let Sophie outside.
7:08 Buckle up and head to Grandma O's house.
7:43 Leave Grandma O's house and head into work.
8:18 Arrive at the office.
12:30 Head out for a walk with Britney.
1:25 Return to the office.  Eat an apple and check messages.
1:42 Yippee, a flex day.  Pack my bag and head to to Grandma O's house.
2:03 Arrive at Grandma O's house to pick up Henry.  Chat with Grandma O, play blocks and drink a smoothie special just for me (by Grandma O, aka MY Mama). Yum.
2:50 Pack up and head home. Henry falls asleep in the car.
3:06 Arrive home and carry Henry up to bed for a nap.
3:10 Change clothes and go hunting for my ipod for a quick run (3 miles) on the treadmill.
3:54 Crack open the work laptop.
4:00 Quick break to chat with Ryan on the phone and watch 2 hours of The Voice in approximately 25 minutes (I love the DVR) while I try to prioritize my work to-do list.
4:30 Actually do some real work in earnest.
5:30 Make dinner, get Henry up from his nap, feed/water Sophie.
6:15 Read a book with Henry and put leftovers in the fridge.
6:30 Vacuum the entire house, including the stairs while Henry chases me with a car phone charger that he is pretending to a light saber or gun, can't tell which.
7:25 Play blocks, read 3 more books and play trains with Henry.
7:50 PJs, brush teeth, wash hands, vitamins and a few cuddles before Henry goes to sleep.
8:18 Lay Henry in his crib for the night.
8:20 Dishes and wipe down stove.  Take garbage and recycle out. 
8:45 Chat with Ryan on the phone.
8:55 Check email and Facebook.
9:10 Laundry
9:30 Shower
9:45 Crack open the work laptop.  Work for an hour.
11:00 Blog
11:15 Lights out.

Thursday, November 8
6:38 Whoops.  Slept through the alarm.  Jolt out of bed.  Get ready for work. 
6:52 Feed/water Sophie.  Make coffee.
6:56 Change and dress Henry.
7:03 Let Sophie out.  Pour coffee.  Pack bags.
7:16 Head to Grandma O's, who wanted to spend an extra day with Henry this week. 
7:40 Leave Grandma O's for the office.
8:18 Purchase a scone at a local bakery that is on my way from the parking lot to the office.
8:24 Arrive at office.
5:02 Leave office.
5:41 Arrive home, say hello to family and change clothes.
5:55 Start making dinner.  Ryan soon takes over...thank goodness because Henry really wants me to pay attention to him, and him only.
6:25 Put leftovers away.  Read books, play blocks, chase, trains, and tickle monster.
7:42 Begin bedtime routine with Henry.  More books, clean diaper, PJs, brush teeth, water.
8:12 Lay Henry in his crib for the night.
8:15 Change clothes, find a charged ipod (aka Ryan's ipod because mine is dead...surprise, surprise), run on the treadmill (5 miles!)
9:26 Dishes.  Speed watch an episode of The Voice.
9:50 Check email and Facebook.
10:02 Shower
10:20 Crack open the work laptop.  Work for about an hour.
11:20 Blog.
11:30 Good night.
12:15ish Ryan wakes me up after returning from an evening with friends to chat.  Although I am grateful my husband is at the core my friend (and desires to tell me all about his day/night), I am low on sleep this week and would be rather be sleeping this night! 
12:45 Still chatting and get up to use the restroom, which really wakes me up.
1:15 I can read the clock, so obviously I'm still awake.  Soonish, I fall asleep again.

Friday, November 9
6:40 Roll out of bed.  No rush today because it is FRIDAY.  TGIF!!! Get ready for work.
6:55 Feed/water Sophie.
7:00 Henry wakes up.  Cuddles in the rocking chair, change and get dressed.
7:10 Breakfast with Henry.
7:42 Leave for work.
8:15 Arrive at the office.
12:00 Pick up take out from a new Greek place. Work through lunch.
4:48 Leave work...yes a few minutes early.  Determined not to work tonight!
5:25 Pick up Thai take out for dinner.  Yes, I am determined not to cook today either!
5:42 Arrive home.
5:48 Feed/water Sophie. Let her out.
5:55 Have dinner with family.
6:25 Put leftovers away. 
6:30 Read books.  Play blocks and trains with Henry.
7:22 Surprise visit by our friends the Ripleys. Enjoy a beer.
8:00 Say good-bye and start a bath for Henry.  Night time routine (PJs, brush teeth, water etc.)
8:35 Lay Henry in his crib for the night.
8:38 Sit down on the couch with a slice of carrot cake.  Eat half and put the rest in the fridge for tomorrow.  Watch a little boob tube and chat with Ryan.
9:02 Surf the Internet for the perfect train set for Henry for Christmas.  I can't seem to make up my mind, but for whatever reason I've been obsessing about it.
9:35 Head upstairs to get ready for bed.
9:42 Climb into bed.  I actually made it into bed (and was asleep) by 10 this night!!!!  Blissful sleep!

Saturday, November 10
6:17 Roll out of bed.
6:20 Shower.
6:35 Feed/water Sophie.
6:45 Clean master bathroom. 
7: 10 Make coffee.
7:15 Clean downstairs bathroom.
7:32 Blog and enjoy a cup of coffee.
7:52 Henry wakes up and begins talking to himself.  I gave him 7-8 minutes (since he was content) to wake up by himself before I headed up.
8:00 Cuddles, change clothes and get dressed.
8:24 Prepare and eat breakfast with Henry.
9:00 Clean up from breakfast.
9:10 Laundry
9:25 Pack up and load into the car to run errands.   Henry loves to go "bye-bye" because it usually means he can run around and touch all sorts of new stuff.  "Shopping" is great fun for Henry, although, it is bit hard to keep him focused on the task at hand. I of course forget Henry's shoes on this trip (he likes to ride in the car without shoes so I don't always put them on before we leave).
9:40 Arrive at Target. Henry has to sit in the cart, which doesn't thrill him, but I gave him a few boxes to hold (which he proceeded to rip open...but I saved the barcodes so they could be scanned at checkout).
10:15 Arrive back home to unload car and pick up Henry's shoes.
10:35 Arrive at Fred Meyer.  Now Henry has his sneakers on so he take full advantage of being able to run.  "Shopping" is challenging this morning.  : )
11:15 Arrive at Grandma O/Grandpa Jim's house for a visit and lunch.  I regretfully can't remember the last time my dad has been able to spend time with Henry or me (maybe a few weeks...maybe a month...oh goodness I'm a horrible daughter) so I made it a point to schedule a visit.  Henry had a great time building a lego fort/castle with Grandpa Jim and then he was awesome (content, quiet, and a great eater) at the restaurant when we went to lunch.  Proud Mama! 
2:15 Pack up the car to return home.  Henry falls asleep in the car.
2:23 Arrive home.  Carry Henry up to bed for a nap.
2:30 Change clothes for a jog.
2:35 Procrastinate running and check Facebook instead.
2:50 Finally get on the treadmill for a run (made it 5 miles again today!)
3:50 Stretch, drink water, prepare a snack, and ponder doing some work.
4:00 Procrastinate working and pay bills and check email instead.
4:10 Ok, finally crack open the work laptop and work for an hour.
5:12 Blog (this daily journaling is time consuming!)
5:24 Think about what to make for dinner and wonder when that sleepy little man of mine is going to get up...it's been more than 3 hours!
5:35 Feed/water Sophie.
5:40 Wake Henry up.  Cuddle in the rocking chair for a couple minutes.  Read 7 books with Henry before convincing him to go downstairs for dinner.
6:15 Dinner with Henry.
6:50 Clean Henry up from dinner and put leftovers in the fridge. Help Henry set up a train track to play trains.  Play with tractors.
7:05 Laundry and change linens.  Henry loves it when I change the sheets on the bed.  When I change the sheets I put them on the floor in a pile as I put the cleans ones on the bed.  Henry likes to flop on the pile of sheets as if they were a pile of leaves, giggle and then say "ahhhhh." Read more books and watch Henry try to play tug-o-war with Sophie. 
7:40 Begin bedtime routine (clean diaper, PJs, brush teeth, vitamins, water).
7:55 Read more books.  I'm a complete sucker for that little boy asking me to read to him.
8:20 Lay Henry in his crib for the night.
8:25 Scrapbook (I am STILL not done with Henry's baby book.  I am determined to have it done before he is 2!!!)
9:15 Laundry.  Start doing the dishes.
9:30 Talk to Ryan on the phone.
10:00 Finish dishes.
10:15 Take garbage out.
10:25 Shower.
11:00 Ease into bed and drift off to blissful sleep.

Sunday, November 11
7:25 Wake up to Henry's sweet voice.  Lay in bed and just listen to him.  Precious.  (Ahhh...I actually got 8 hours of sleep.)
7:35 Get up, get dressed.
7:40 Get Henry up, changed, dressed.
7:50 Read books with Henry in the rocking chair.
8:24 Head downstairs and make breakfast.
9:00 Clean up from breakfast. 
9:10 Play trains, blocks, chase, race cars, pictures pages and whatever else Henry wants to play with Mama.
11:15 Ryan comes home, we pack up the car and head to New Season's to pick up a few items for dinner.
12:15 Arrive back home and make lunch.
12:40 Clean up from lunch.
12:45 Read books, free play with Henry.
1:50 Lay Henry in his crib for a nap.
2:00 Head out for some Christmas shopping (yes, I am determined to be done before the madness sets in). 
3:35 Arrive back home.
3:40 Prep veggies for dinner.
4:00 Surf the Internet for Christmas ideas for my parents.
4:25 Get Henry up.  Read a few books and free play.
5:15 Feed Henry dinner while Ryan makes a special dinner for us.  Enjoy a glass of red wine (I can't remember the last time I had a glass of wine with Ryan).
5:50 Clean Henry up and put his dinner leftovers away.
6:10 Sit down to dinner with Ryan (flatiron steak with blue cheese and chantrelle and shitake mushrooms, zucchini and onions with Parmesan for a side).  Absolutely scrumptious!
6:30 Put leftovers away and play blocks with Henry.
7:00 Laundry.
7:10 Read a few more books and play tractors with Henry.
7:25 Bath time for Henry.
7:50 Lay Henry down in his crib for the night.
7:52 Dishes and wipe down kitchen.
8:25 Watch a movie with Ryan.
10:40 Shower
11:05 Climb into bed.
12:10 Still awake and looking at the clock.  Trouble sleeping.  Drift off to sleep shortly.

Friday Thanks

I have many things to be grateful for these days.  Below are some highlights.

* Birthday parties.  Henry attended a birthday party last Friday for his friend Brae (my dear friend Britney's son), which was at Playdate PDX.  What a fun place to have a birthday party.  Henry had an absolute BLAST.  Anytime Henry has a good time, Mama has a good time.  His joy makes my heart sing.  And, the red velvet cupcakes were scrumptious.

* Tractorfest.  My friend Emilie hosted a visit to her farm last weekend.  Her husband, Farmer Thomas, farms 1200 acres in the Forest Grove/Banks area.  Henry was in complete awe of the dozen+ tractors, chickens, cows, pickup trucks, four-wheelers and EXPANSIVE green space.  It rained the entire time, but it didn't phase Henry in the least!  Then Emilie invited us into her house where Henry found a few model tractors that Emilie let him play with.  They were the old metal style toys like I had when I was a kid.  Henry LOVED them. Mama could totally get used to that lifestyle...if only money were no issue.

* The start of the UP basketball season.  GO PILOTS!!!  Keep the purple pride strong.

*  Visit to Powells as a family.  Henry loves bookstores like his Mama does.  He loves books and he loves to run around.  He was in seventh heaven because he was able to run around and read lots of books.  AND, he talked Mama into buying him another tractor book to take home with him (like we really needed another one!). 

* Mom's cooking.  My mom still makes me my favorite foods.  This week she made me a korean noodle dish one day and korean style jello another day.  There is something special about mom's cooking.  I'm sure it is the love it is made with. And I love her.

* Halloween.  Ryan surprised me with a visit to the office with Henry.  He was a complete ham, smiling at all the ladies in the office.  We enjoyed dinner with our friends and trick-or-treating that evening.  It is fun to create new traditions with Henry.

* New words.  Henry's new words include "butt," "wa wa" (for water), and "baapa" (for backpack).  He is trying to mimic more and more words every day.  And lots of sounds. When we were at Emilie's farm, when Henry saw the chickens, he pointed to them and said "bauck bauck." SUPER cute.

* Homemade clam chowder, pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, korean style flank steak, roasted root veggies, and sauteed brussel sprouts (with bacon, green onions and pine nuts).  Dishes made with love by this Mama for her family this past week.

* Dinner at a favorite Thai restaurant with the family after a long week at work AND salted caramel ice cream for dessert.  YUM!

* Ryan shaved his mustache, just for me!

Friday Thanks

Five things I am grateful for this week:

1. Grandpa Keith.  My father-in-law gave me the gift of 22 hours of no responsibility last weekend, by taking Henry over night for a little grandson-grandpa bonding time.  Grandma Sherry was at the beach and Ryan was at work, so I had no one to be accountable to.  It was GLORIOUS.  I hightailed it to McMinnville to spend the day with my two dear friends, Jen and Shannon.  AND, I finally got to watch Brady play soccer.  He even made a goal!!!

2.  Rain.  I am a true Oregonian.  I actually really like the rain and grey skies.  It has a calming effect on me.  Don't get me wrong, I really like the sun too (especially on a cool crisp fall day when it is around 60 degrees and blue skies), but I dig the rain.

3.  Squash.  Fall brings some of my favorite foods, squash and sweet potatoes.  I made the first batch of butternut squash mac n' cheese with spinach and sausage of the season.  Delicious!  Comfort food makes me happy (especially when I can "hide" some veggies to make a dish a bit more nutritious without compromising the scrumptiousness).

4.  Playdates.  I have mentioned before that we have amazing neighbors.  Last weekend I watched all the kids.  It was so much fun watching Henry try to mimic everything Micah (almost 4) did and then watch Micah try to impress me by doing tricks.Maddie (6) convinced us all at one point to have a singing/dance contest.  It was a hoot.  She sang songs about love and kindness while doing ballet, Micah sang rap songs about rockets while break-dancing, and Henry providing back-up "vocals" while doing happy-feet.  Then it was my turn.  I told Maddie that I didn't know the words to any songs and she replied "c.o.m.e. o.n! ... you must know the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."  I indeed do know the words to that song, so I sang it while Henry played sleigh bells and Micah played the recorder.  It was AWESOME!

5.  Snuggles.  Henry is a very, very, very active boy these days.  There are few moments now when he wants to slow down long enough to snuggle with his Mama, if even for 30 seconds.  He's fine with sitting next to me while we read books, but he doesn't want to cuddle.  But this morning, I got a rare gift. About 4 minutes of snuggles in the rock chair right after Henry woke up.  Precious and cherished.

Friday Thanks

Five things I am grateful for this week:

1.  Indian Summer.  It is still 80 degrees in Portland.  What a wonderful beginning to fall.  Crazy that it's dark now when we get home from our evening walks though. 

2.  Funny hubbie.  The single best personality quality my dear husband possesses is his humor.  He has made me laugh everyday since the day I met him.  I cherish him. 

3.  TV.  I don't watch all that much television, but I must admit, I have a guilty pleasure of watching a few series.  One of them is The Voice.  I am a total addict.  I love that show. It's all about watching people's dreams come true right before your eyes.  It's inspiring.  Plus, the contestants are all AMAZING!  Watching it makes me happy. 

4.  White bean chicken chili, zucchini bread, chocolate chip cookies, burgers on the grill.  These are a few of the yummy things that were on our menu this last week....and I do love food. I am so grateful that we don't have financial trouble feeding our family.  1.6 million people in our country, the most powerful and wealthy country in the world, struggle with hunger.  I am so, so, so very grateful we are not part of that statistic. 

5.  Friendship.  This week, I'm particularly grateful for my girlfriend Britney, who lent an ear and listened with a non-judgmental ear when I needed a friend just to listen.  Thank you Britney, I am so grateful you are part of my circle.

Friday Thanks

Five things I am grateful for this week:

1.  Anniversary.  Ryan and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary in grand style by attending a wedding a guests.  The location was beautiful.  The weather was pleasant.  The company was awesome.  The evening was memorable.

2.  Day at the Zoo.  I extended the Labor Day weekend by a day so we could attend the zoo as a family for the first time (okay, second time if you count Zoolights).  It was a perfect day off.  We spent the entire day together as a family.  We couldn't have asked for better weather.  We even all took naps in the afternoon.

3.  Cuddling with Baby Ben.  I got to visit with my friend Wende and cuddle with Baby Ben (three weeks old) on Monday.  So, so, so very precious.  I need to get going on making another one of them for me. : )

4.  Grandparents.  Ryan and I are so VERY grateful to have family that lives close.  Last weekend, Grandma Sherry and Grandpa Keith took Henry overnight so we could celebrate our anniversary without a curfew.  Grandma O offered to watch Henry an extra day this week so Ryan could go fishing with Grandpa Jim.  It was an awesome day out on the river.  I am grateful Ryan got the opportunity to go play for a day.  Heaven knows he has earned it!

5.  Fall.  Okay, I realize that it is not "officially" fall, but fall begins for me on Labor Day weekend.  The weather in Oregon is amazing in September.  Cool mornings/evenings and sunny afternoons.  The food is super yummy.  I love all the peaches, pumpkins, squash and SOUP that come with the fall.  Plus, my favorite holiday happens in the fall...Thanksgiving.  I can't wait!!!  We usually go to the beach a few times during the fall to spend time as a family and also go crabbing (even though I'm allergic still).  Simply put, I love the fall.