Do What You Are

Over the last few months I have been doing a lot of reflection on the topic of career satisfaction (or in my case the lack thereof). I recently finished reading the book Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type by Paul Tieger. I highly recommend it for anyone who is interested in the topic of personality type and career satisfaction.
 
The exercises presented in the book confirmed that I am a rarity. I am definitely a minority (from a personality and temperament perspective), which is probably why I feel like I don’t relate to most people, most of the time. The book is based on the Myers-Briggs personality types. I am an INFJ: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging. Some call this the “Idealist," “Confidant,” or “Catalyst for Positive Change” personality type. Some famous people that are INFJs include Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Billy Crystal, Mel Gibson, Mahatma Gahdhi, Thomas Jefferson and Plato. I suppose I am in decent company.

Here are some excerpts from the book regarding basic characteristics of INFJs (both positive and not so positive), which is shared with about 1% of the population:

INFJ’s inhabit the world of ideas. They are independent, original thinkers with strong feelings, firm principles and personal integrity. They trust their own ideas and decisions even in the face of skepticism. They are motivated by an inner vision that they value above all else, including prevailing opinion or established authority. INFJs often see deeper meaning and have intuitive insights into situations. They are loyal, committed, and idealistic. They are quietly forceful in having their ideas accepted and applied. They value integrity and can be determined to the point of being stubborn. Because of the strength of their conviction and their clear vision of what is best for the common good, INFJs can be great leaders. INFJs value harmony and agreement. They will go to great lengths to promote fellowship and avoid conflict. 

Generally thoughtful decision makers. Empathetic and compassionate, INFJs have a strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others. They are aware of other peoples’ emotions and interests, and often deal well with complicated people. INFJs themselves tend to have deep, complex personalities and can be both sensitive and intense. They can be reserved and hard to get to know, but are willing to share their inner selves with people they trust. They tend to have a small circle of deep, longstanding friendships, and can generate plenty of personal warmth and enthusiasm in the right circumstances. 

Since they tend to be so absorbed with “the idea,” INFJs can sometimes be impractical. They can become so committed to their own principles that they develop tunnel vision. They can be stubborn about change and can resist changing a decision once it has been made. Sometimes they ignore important facts that don’t support their position, or resist ideas that conflict with their values. They are often perfectionists, and they can be hypersensitive to criticism. They can have difficulty dealing with conflict in relationships and can become disappointed and disillusioned when conflicts develop. 

A few other interesting observations:

Only about 4% of the American population comprises Introverted Intuitives. Strong messages permeate our culture that it is better to an Extraverted Sensor (action-oriented, social, pragmatic, and practical) rather than Introverted Intuitive (thoughtful, introspective, complex, and creative).

People like me must have work that makes use of their gift for seeing inner meanings, implications and possibilities. They also like to get things done. Find a way to express their perceptions.

An excerpt from the book about my temperament: Idealist, which is shared with about 16% of the American population:

A good job for an idealist is one that is personally meaningful, rather than simply routine or expedient. They value harmony and do not flourish in a competitive or divisive arena. They prefer democratic organizations that encourage high degree of participation from all levels. Promote humanistic values. Help others find fulfillment. 

Based on one of the exercises in the book, here are my top five priorities (in rank order) for career satisfaction:

1. A career that is done in a friendly and tension free environment where my ideas are seriously considered and where I am psychologically supported for my efforts;

2. A career that lets me organize my own time and work environment and exert significant control over both process and product;

3. A career that lets me implement my ideas for the good of people or in the service of others; lets me work with others on a one-on-one basis;

4. Work that can be done independently but with opportunity to share frequently with others in an environment that is friendly and free of interpersonal conflict;

5. A career that allows me adequate time to formulate and process my ideas so they are thoroughly prepared.

Here are my top five work strengths: Writing, negotiating, problem-solving, working with others, and analysis.

Observations and take-aways:

For nearly 10 years, I have pursued a career as a corporate lawyer. For all but about 18 months of those 10 years, I have questioned whether being a lawyer was the right decision for me to make. I have felt like a round peg in a square hole for a long time. I fit, sort of, but not great. After looking at my top five work strengths, being a lawyer, from a task perspective, is probably a good fit for me. All those skills are necessary for a lawyer to thrive. That’s a good thing, but it clearly hasn’t been enough to create career satisfaction for me.

What I found more interesting, was my list of priorities for career satisfaction, which had much less to do with my daily tasks and much more to do with the type of environment and the people I work with on a daily basis. Working in a friendly, tension free environment, free from interpersonal conflict came up repeatedly. Although I have known this is important to me, I didn’t realize just how important. What this teaches me is that I need to spend less time focused on the task components of my work and spend more time focusing on creating a tension free environment in which to complete those tasks. That will likely involve learning how to communicate with people with different personality types, especially those who I find nasty, insensitive, judgmental or otherwise CRAZY. It also means I need to acquire better skills to approach interpersonal interactions, especially those involving interpersonal conflict, more objectively. It will take work (probably a LOT of work), but I think I now have some insight into where I should focus more of my attention in order to hopefully find career satisfaction.

On the Bookshelf

Bringing Up Bebe - One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. 

For my last birthday, my dearest friend Jen gave me this book as a gift.  Thank you Jen!  Over the New Year's weekend I devoured it.  I really mean it, I had a hard time putting it down.  It was insightful, humorous, and entertaining.  I recommend this book for anyone, but in particular those with young children or those embarking on parenthood.  I plan to gift this book to a friend who is recently pregnant.  Here are some of the observations and tips that I took away from this book.  (1) Engage in a proper meal time with your kids and expect table manners.  French children don't throw food because they have been expected to eat at the table as respectable humans since they could sit up on their own.  (2) French babies sleep through the night (typically by three months) because French parents employ "the pause."  French parents don't jump at every noise their baby makes, they pause first to really listen to whether their baby really needs them.  Babies sometimes just make noise, and that is okay.  French babies seem to learn how to self-sooth much sooner than American counterparts.  I hope to employ this when our next baby (whenever that may be) arrives.  (3) Teach your kids to be patient by making them wait.  This walks hand in hand with "the pause."  (4) Treat your kids as human. In other words, embrace the fact that kids have their own unique personalities, interests, like/dislikes, rather than trying to always make them conform.  (5) The mass majority of French moms work outside the home (well over 80%).  We Americans (I included) often feel guilty about working while also being a mom.  In France, it appears (at least from the author's perspective) that French women don't harbor this guilt.  Work is an important part of a woman's life, an expectation in France, so there is no reason to feel guilty about it.  I need to work on this perspective!  (6) Remember to embrace your femininity as a woman and as a wife after becoming a mom.  There is great emphasis in French culture for women to regain their figure shortly after birth and to remember your role as a wife.  (7) Let your kids play.  Don't over schedule them.  Don't rush childhood.  Let them explore.

On the Bookshelf

I love reading, but you likely already knew that about me. Hence, I chose to be a professional reader (aka lawyer...not all of us lawyers are like Perry Mason who spends their days investigating facts in the field or trying cases in court - funny the show never revealed the hours, weeks, months, perhaps years it takes to read, write and prep for trial). Reading for pleasure was put on the back burner the first year of motherhood (like much of anything non-Henry related), but I have happily rekindled my relationship with books in 2012. Yes, I am a die-hard for the hard copy (not the electronic version). I love the look, feel and smell of books. I'll probably be one of the last folks on Earth to adapt to reading on an e-reader for pleasure, although I admit that I do read a fair amount on a computer screen at work. Below are a few books I have finished reading this year, that I would also recommend:


The Dirty Life, by Kristen Kimball speaks to my wanna-be farmer's heart. Kimball is a Harvard educated writer. She used to work in New York City as a mucky-muck writer. She decided to venture out into the country for a story one day and came across Mark (a young farmer), who she was instantly intrigued by (perhaps not madly in love with...yet). Something called to her that day on Mark's farm. Long story short, Mark convinced her to fall in love with him, fall in love with farming, accept his hand in marriage and start a 500 acre farm (from the ground up). This story chronicles Kimball's 1st year as a farmer. I found the book entertaining and inspiring. The core messages that I took from the book include following your heart and that the best rewards come from hard work.




Room, by Emma Donoghue is a captivating story (fiction) about a woman who is kidnapped at 19 and locked into a garden shed (Room). Her captor impregnates her and she begins to raise her son, Jack, in Room. The story captures the limitless bounds of the love between mother and son (it's no wonder I enjoyed this book). In the interest of not spoiling the story, I will leave the details for you to peruse at your leisure. The book was one of the NY Times 10 best books for 2010. Thank you Jen for the great read.





Everyday Sacred, by Sue Bender is an interesting compilation of short stories (most just a few paragraphs) that come together to describe Bender's journey to finding inner peace, to quell the harsh judgmental inner voice. I too have a harsh judgmental inner voice that tells me that I can always achieve more, do better, acquire more, so this book resonates with my personal journey to find inner peace. To be present in the moment and to stop the search for "more." She used the Buddhist monk's begging bowl as a metaphorical symbol throughout the book - searching for whatever it is that is meant to fill the bowl. What she discovers is the whole point of the begging bowl is to be willing to accept whatever is put in the bowl, without expectation.

Book Review - Inheritance

I've finished my first novel of the year. Inheritance by Lan Samantha Chang. My friend Krisa actually sent it to me for Christmas (thank you Krisa). With all the baby book reading I've been doing the last several months, I haven't had much time to read fiction, but this was the first on my list.

This was a heartbreaking novel that primarily takes place in the 1930's and 1940's during wartime in China. The book embarks on painting a picture of a fractured family trying to deal with betrayal, infidelity, absence during wartime, arranged marriages, suicide and a whole lot of other family tragedy. I admit this book made me cry at the end because it continued to push the reader to question whether certain things are ever forgivable. I'm a sucker for happy endings, but this one was bittersweet.

All in all, I would recommend this book. I thought the author did a good job portraying one characteristic that I think is universal in many Asian cultures, pride, and how it exhibits itself. This isn't a light read though, so if you're looking for a upbeat bubblegum read, this probably wouldn't be the best choice.