Nesting on the Mind

I've been recently meandering through a season of self reflection and wrestling with the same "issue" that I have been wrestling with from time to time since we purchased our 6 acre (hobby) farm 3 1/2 years ago. And yes, it is technically a farm (hence the name of my blpg). A hay farm, currently. I even have to file a Schedule K on my income tax returns, just like the real farmers do. The "issue" I wrestle with is: to move or not to move; to farm or not to farm (in a hobby context). Ryan and I both say, for the time being, we are not going to move anytime soon, but I believe our hearts still pull us to want to move. To want to pursue a hobby farm. To have more outdoor space for our boys to romp around. So, I wrestle internally with these emotions and thoughts. I am likely focused on this issue because I'm 6 months pregnant now and feeling the urge to nest. I am also one that has a strong need to establish roots. I don't like change. I don't like moving. I don't like feeling unsettled. That is why the farm is an "issue." Some people have said to me, "do whatever you want" or "follow your heart." The trouble is that there are a delicate and complicated set of factors that I must weigh in making the decision, so I don't really know what I really "want" more. For example, here are some of the pros and cons:

Farm Pros:
* Lots of space (6 acres of romping room)
* Endless gardening opportunities
* Possiblity to raise livestock
* Storage galore (ability to build a shop, greenhouse, barn etc.)
* Guest accommodations
* Fulfill Ryan's lifelong dream to live in the country

Farm Cons:
* Schools in the area (65% of elementary students meet state standards)
* Must drive everywhere.
* Must plan play dates. No neighborhood kids.
* Likely increase of 25% in our mortgage and adding an additional 15 years (pay off at 60+ years old)
* Longer commute
* Travel logistics are more complicated (plants and animals need constant care)

City Pros:
* Stellar schools (93+% of elementary students meet state standards)
* Neighborhood full of families. Neighbors on our street that we like and trust.
* Walkable (i.e. sidewalks). The boys could technically walk to elementary school.
* Manageable mortgage that will be paid off when I'm 46 (or sooner)
* Flexibility to leave for vacations
* Shorter (but still long) commute

City Cons:
* Tiny space for romping around for the boys
* Tiny, mostly shaded, garden space
* No opportunities for livestock
* Limited storage
* Limited guest accommodations

Right now, the two factors I focus on the most are school performance and financial stability (size of our mortgage). Both these factors lead me to the conclusion to stay put. But I can't seem to stop the pull on the heartstrings to move to the country. The hardest decisions in life are often the decisions that don't have a right or wrong answer. I think this is one of them. I think our boys will thrive in either setting. Only time will tell what we end up doing. For now, I will continue to wrestle (internally) with myself and make plans to paint/decorate the new nursery and plant a TINY spring garden in my TINY shaded yard in my current home.  I am trying to embrace living in the moment and appreciate what I have in the here and now (and make the most of it), but I am a forward/future looking thinker/dreamer, so living/embracing the here and now does NOT come easily or naturally.